What is the role of parents?

Parents can influence their children's actions. At-risk youth in five cities took part in an HIV prevention marketing initiative. They reported that parents exerted substantial influence on sexual behavior in three ways: by communicating with them, by acting as role models and by providing direct supervision. (7) Contrary to popular opinion, children do look to their parents for guidance. Kids often want to talk to their parents about HIV-related issues, but may find it difficult to do so. (8) Kids may worry that parents' disapproval and fears will prevent honest discussion, or that parents lack correct information about HIV.

"I want my boys to be respectful of others and learn to develop a relationship with a person before having sex with them." Parent

Children learn from parents by watching what they do as well as hearing what they say. Whether parents answer, don't answer, or get angry at childrens' questions can show children how to deal with difficult issues. Discussions about healthy relationships should start early and grow more sophisticated as children mature. Early talks with young children about naming body parts accurately, learning how to say no, and taking health precautions can set the stage for later education in HIV prevention and sexuality.

What are barriers to communication?

Talking about issues of sexuality with their children can be a difficult experience for many adults. When many of today's adults were children, their parents didn't talk about sexuality and other topics with them. Today's parents may want to take a different approach with their own children, but have no experience to guide them.

"We didn't talk about these things when we grew up so I'm not always used to it. I try, and I laugh…the kids are more comfortable with [talking about sex] than I am." Parent

Youth need to carve out their own autonomy during adolescence. As young people begin to separate from their parents, they may be more resistant to parental advice. Parents may have unfounded concerns about talking to their kids, such as the fear that talking about sex will increase curiosity and cause them to experiment prematurely, or that giving information about birth control is a green light for kids to have intercourse. Some parents fear that talking about homosexuality might influence a child's sexual orientation. In fact, open discussion with parents can help postpone sexual activity, protect from risky behavior and support the healthy sexual socialization of youth. (9)